How to Discuss Something

We spend a lot of time during arguments and discussions misrepresenting the other persons point of view, burlesquing it, and ascribing ulterior motives that often not much gets accomplished. It occurs to me that the most fruitful and satisfying discussions I’ve had with those I disagree with have been those instances where we both understand clearly each other’s point of view. I once saw Mortimer Adler (“The Great Books” guy with whom I disagree, respectfully, on many things) explain how he set up the ground rules for debate in his classroom: whenever someone made a point, it wasn’t allowed to be challenged until the opposing speaker was able to rephrase the first speaker’s argument to the first speaker’s satisfaction. To do this, the opponent would have to say, “Do I understand you to say that ………” and this would be followed by the paraphrase. When the first speaker assented to the opponent’s version, then the opponent would be allowed to continue with his rebuttal. This, of course, is not the way even formal debates are conducted but it is the way that productive and intelligent conversation can come about.
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Wrong:
First Person: I think that the Roe v. Wade decision was unsupportable from a constitutional standpoint.
Second Person: I disagree. I believe a woman has a right to choose.
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Right:
First Person: I think that the Roe v. Wade decision was unsupportable from a constitutional standpoint.
Second Person: Do I understand you to say that you don’t agree with a woman’s right to choose?
First Person: No, that’s not the point I wished to make.
Second Person: Do I understand you to say that the Supreme Court overreached its authority in making the decision?
First Person: That’s also not what I intended to convey.
Second Person: Do I understand you to say that the Supreme Court did not interpret the constitution correctly in this instance?
First Person: Yes.